Saturday, October 10, 2009

The Heavier the Responsibilities, The More Unreal It Feels

You must have experienced this feeling before. Work is piling fast. The children's examination are round the corner. There is so much to do but so little time. Yet instead of trying to make the best out of the situation, you feel that it is akin to clucking around like a headless chicken. There is a strange sense of beguiling calm. In your head, the background music of "whatever will be, will be" was playing.

I felt this strange sensation a few days ago. I just wanted to drift through what was going to unfold. In a bid to beat pressure, I made friend with escapee. Escapee was cruel and yet so tempting. It was cruel because it was it lured us into not taking action and hence led to the self-fulfilling prophecy. And it was tempting to not try and believe that things were beyond our control. Not to add that it was also theraptic to put the blame on anyone else except ourself.

Before the denial turned demented, I yanked myself back from the abyss of inertia. I sat down and planned my leave, charted out my work and delegated certain work functions. I was glad that the knowledge that I gained from my postgraduate program, voluminous reading, writing and my toastmasters' training come in handy at this crucial moment.

Of course, I wished that there weren't so much responsibilities. Yet, I took comfort in the fact that I was doing the best I could to balance both work and family. It was at such trying time that the thought of having a maid crossed my mind. But by so doing, one day I would also have outsourced not just the cleaning, but also the love and care of my children. I also needed to be good role model for my two boys.

The love for my children drowned out the song of "whatever will be, will be". Instead, the wise words of Lance Armstrong took its place. His words "Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever." is now resonating in my head.

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